February 28 1987
The first 59 days of the
Year are now history
The remaining 306
Are still a mystery
So continue in safety
As you have in the past
And the year will be pleasant
Right up to the last!
I couldn’t say Paw Paw… it came out Baw Baw and so it always was…
My grandpa was amazing! He always encouraged me and told me I could do anything! He would carry me around like I was a prize! He had a green house where he planted, grew and sold vegetables after he retired from selling cattle. We would spent hours in the greenhouse… he would be planting and I would be baking! Mud pies, mud cup cakes, and mud anything I could think of! I would help him plant too. He would teach me how to plant the tomatoes and peppers just so… I'm sure it’s where my green thumb comes from. I love to garden to this day!
Today I don’t feel like what I can say will ever be enough. I guess what I can say is I loved him so much! He had such a big part in shaping me into the person I am today. He and I were like two peas in a pod when I was little but about the time this was written he started to forget things… more and more the forgetting got worse. It wasn’t easy to see. It wasn’t easy for him either. Sometimes he would say… “I don’t know why I can’t remember?” or “I know I asked you this already but…”
He would never go to the doctor so this was just the way it was. Every year a little worse till finally when he broke his hip in January of 1999 he had to be placed in a nursing home. There was no way my grandmother could take care of him and no other options were available. It was close to my house so I could go in any time and check on him. It’s strange… he would never have wanted to be in a home like that but when he was there he didn’t know he wasn’t home and he liked it. He had a friend there and the two of them were never seen apart. They would laugh and talk, only the two of them knew what they were saying or talking about! But they both were always smiling and laughing and happy!
He always said he wanted to live to be 80… and he did. But by then he didn’t know me or my dad or my grandmother. Six weeks later he was gone…
This wonderful poem he gave me so many years ago hangs on the wall in our bedroom. I look at it every day and think of how lucky I am to have had the very BEST Baw Baw EVER!!!!!!
Here is a song… have a little listen if you have time.
Do You Believe?
Michael and I had a nap today and I didn’t have a plan for day 58… so when we went to the shop for the evening basics I took Bessie. I don’t think I have told you guys what my cameras name is… I'm pretty sure you got it now though! Bessie! That’s her name. Our car is Annie and my laptop is Bella… I’ll stop there! Anyway took Bessie. This tree is just next to our shop where the cars park. I look at it all the time from season to season… it’s a nice tree and I like it BUT! That’s not what I came here to type about….
Do you believe? That’s the question, simple really and to me a definitive answer. Yes.
Now I know many people don’t believe the same and hey that’s ok! (they are wrong though!)
The question if you don’t know yet is…. Drum roll please! Is there life out there? You know… out THERE! In space.
I think the answer is yes, I know I said that but I didn’t say yes how! I don’t think there are little green men (great song btw from Reservoir Dogs) no, no green men that are going to zoom down here in their saucers and start blowing things up! (I think we do ok with that one on our own sadly enough) I do think there is life out there somewhere… in the multiverse there must be...(Mulitverse was the word of the year 2010, well in our house it was one of many) even if you do the mathmatical odds there HAS to be! I just don’t think its possible there is no life. you know maybe they are no rocket scientists! But at one point in time neither were we! Hey it took us a long time to get where we are today! (Good or bad) Or…. Maybe their intelligence surpasses ours so much we cant even begin to understand it!
Anyway its just a thought… and what a thought too! I has so many possibilities and could go so many places it really does boggle the mind! I think it is the answer to so many questions… :~)
How I got from tree to mulitverse…. When we got home we stopped for a minute to just look at the sky. We do this a lot… I think it can put things in perspective and I like the way I feel looking up and out there! sooooo looking up we saw this big bright light moving pretty fast across the sky. It didn’t really look like a plane it was to far away to move that fast…
Anyway it just made me think…
I took a video and took a few screen shots from it…. NO I don’t think it was a “UFO” I do like the way it looked though! Here it is....
In This House…Number 57
Day 57 house 57… This is the house that Michael lived in till he was 5… two of his siblings were born at home in this very house. Michael doesn’t really have many memories in this house. I can’t imagine 11 children and two adults living here… it looks a little… ummm little! But the older brothers and sisters tell of great times and stories in this house. They tell of sing songs and laughing and happy times.
Houses are funny places. They are often not a home but, only a place to live. Other houses are much more than just walls, they are homes… places we feel good and safe in. I think a house and a home are totally different places.
Michael had lived in two homes before we met. I had lived in about a dozen or so… but the one that was always there was my grandparents house. It was the one constant in my life.
My grandma had made a decision to leave the house to me when they died… I had told her of my plans to make the house this way or that… what I would do to the land and how I would NEVER think of selling it. How could I? I had grown up there and it had always been my safe place… or so I thought…
My thoughts changed though.
One day I was sitting out with my grandma in the garden, something we both worked hard on. I remember her looking at the house with a funny expression… she looked it up and down and then turned to me. “When I die” she said “sell this place up for what you can get and go!” “Go someplace nice and beautiful” I couldn’t talk! She knew how much I loved that house and for her to say that to me! I didn’t understand… I said to her “NO, I have so many memories here!” she turned and looked at me with an intensity I could feel going through me and said… “Audrey… The memories you have are in your head and your heart! They are NOT in this house and no matter where you go they will always be with you!” she said more but I think you get the gist of it anyway… me put in my place! Just right too! And from then on I knew what she had said was the truth and I felt silly for thinking otherwise.
She would have been so happy I sold the house! It did what it was meant to do.
It’s funny too then the first time we went back to Texas a couple of years later I didn’t go by to see the old place… it felt weird and I didn’t know why. The second time we went back though. We drove by to have a look. I guess I thought I would feel something looking at that house. But… as it turned out… it really was in fact, just a house! The trees she had me plant in the yard were bigger and the new owners had painted the house yellow, my grandpa would have loved that! But as for anything else…
I'm home now… this is my home. What I mean by that is… Michael and I and the cats :~) are my home and where ever we are I am home! And my memories are always with me just like she said!
I Will Not Give Up
I'm not very motivated today… my mojo is low. I did manage to get on the bike today and do my exercises so I feel pretty good about that but still… I don’t know what it is. It might be that I didn’t have my life juice yet today… Lemon Nestea! I am an addict… I admit it totally! I can’t help it! I just love the stuff! If I could endlessly drink it, I would!
I used to smoke but I quit…. Twice! The last time for good… anyway and I'm so happy I did! Even though I gained an unmentionable amount of weight! But I will not give up my Nestea! I refuse! I drink loads of water too, I love water and would drink it over most things but not Nestea!
That’s the something about me you get to know today…
Not very interesting but that’s it!
I love kid movies! Always have and I guess I always will! Michael was not a big kid movie person but I'm pretty sure I have converted him! :~)
We have watched many kid movies and Pippi Longstocking was one of them…. I have to say it’s not quite what I remember but I still remember waiting to see it on TV as a kid and I was sooooooo happy when it was on! After I would watch it I wanted to be Pippi and I thought I could do anything and my horse would understand what I said! After I would watch Mary Poppins…. I would try to fly with an umbrella! The Wizard of Oz… heels clicking and watching for rainbows! The Sound Of Music…. I would sing and dance! Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory…. I just wished some place on earth, there really was a factory like that! At Christmas… there was Rudolf and I would NEVER throw a toy away that was damaged because I didn’t want it to have to go to the island of misfit toys… and if I found a toy that was “sick” I would insist on buying that one and take it home to my grandma to make it better. She would and I would be happy to have kept a toy away from that awful island!
Anyway I ramble!
A very cute and sweet little girl has reminded me of Pippi and I thought I would go for the Pippi look today! If you’re looking for me today I’ll be in Villa Villekulla!
Writing On The Wall
This is a wall at the end of the street that Michael’s brother lives on. This has been there forever and every time we are out I always think I should take a pic of it and today I actually had my camera with me and actually took the pic… as you can see! :~)
It’s funny… I am an only child and Michael is the youngest of 11! Yes! That’s right I said 11! I cannot imagine having one brother or sister not to mention being one of 11.
I think it’s really cool that Michael has them, not that he talks to all of them (who would want to talk to that many people anyway!) but the ones he does… it’s cool! I can remember my grandmother and her brother too. Talking all the time on the phone, about nothing! There are so many different types of relationships and no matter what I will never know what it’s like to have siblings! But…. Michael will never know what it’s like to be an only child either!
It’s funny how some things, we as individuals will never know…. Simple things… like being a woman or a man… like having brothers and sisters… or not! Being tall or short… heavy or thin… there are so many different things!
I think each one of us lives in our own world! Very unique and all very different! So I guess in this world there are really 6 billion worlds! This is not my original thought but something I read in one of my favourite books… Illusions, by Richard Bach.
I can’t help but wonder how different your world is from mine!
53 Will Have To Do…
I folded 53 origami cranes today I really hope that does the trick. I don’t think I could make it to 1000!
The day started off ok but tonight I am blah…. BLAH :~(
Sorry to everyone for falling behind on comments. I will try to catch up tomorrow.
A Better Life
Well... its time. I can’t wait any longer.
I'm 37 and I have really bad knees. I have had surgery 4 times on the right and 2 times on the left. This is to get a delay before I get total knee replacements on both. The goal is to make it 7 to 10 more years before this happens maybe longer with a bit of luck from a new surgery I had last. Patellar desensitisation it’s called. They just kill the nerves under the patella so I don’t feel as much pain. Problem still there but not as painful, time bought! It has helped so very much! And only by chance did I get the doctor that basically invented the surgery! Before I met him I was waiting for the replacements.
As you can imagine in the time I have been waiting for surgery I have gained weight! I have had bad knees for many years but in the past few years they have been even worse so I have really kind of slowly gained weight over that time. Which doesn’t help the knees!
My last knee surgery was in September. I had a few little complications but now I'm ready!
Soooooo today was the first day. I weighed myself and I have started on the exercise bicycle. I can’t wait for the summer so Michael and I can go for walks again!
I don’t want to be model thin or anything like that I just want to be comfortable! I was never skinny. I'm short and what I like to call voluptuous!
I feel good today and the knees are not so bad either!
Water Water Everywhere
I love to have a bath! Nothing new there in life... I think it’s in the DNA! Michael has had maybe 4 baths since we have lived here, and we’ve been here for 5 ½ years. I think he’s afraid of all the stuff that surrounds the tub! :~) And I'm pretty sure he and the sponge had a fight once! (I don’t know who won)
Anyway baths are great! They make my knees feel better too! The heat really helps the arthritis. They make me relax and feel lovely and warm! I can say that I really appreciate a bath! There is a reason for the one though...
When I was young we didn’t have a bath for a while, in fact we didn’t even have water! From the time I was 8 years old to when I was 14, then off and on till I was 16. We didn’t have any running water.
My mom and dad bought a trailer house when I was 8. They didn’t have any place to set it down and a friend of my grandpa had a son... (Sorry it sounds confusing) that had several hundred acres and was having problems with people stealing things from the barn he had there. Sooooooo he said we could put the trailer there for free for awhile! The only thing was the well that was on the land wasn’t working. So my parents would have to have it repaired. It can cost so much money to fix a well but someone came out and said it would be 1500 dollars. Well (no pun intended!) my parents thought they would find another place to move to soon and they also didn’t think we would be allowed to stay very long.
They were wrong... the trailer was there for 8 years and never, did the water run!
My grandparents lived 2 miles away and that’s where I had my showers, washed my clothes, and filled plastic milk jugs with water to take back to the trailer. We would haul water every weekend, me and my dad. My mom didn’t go to my grandparents much.
It’s very bizarre to look back on it now... it seems so very foreign and impossible. But at the time it was normal to me.
I think I would love a bath anyway though!!!! :~)
Changes... Looking Forward, Looking Back
This is the idea I had for a pic last night... I was held hostage by the cat for several hours and had a late start today for getting my shot.
My thoughts last night were something along the lines of 50... That’s half of a century! 100 years... that's a lot isn’t it?!
Perspective.... 100 years ago it was 1911... Just a very short 8 years later my grandpa was born... in 1919...
I'm 37, 38 in April, so I'm 13 years away from 50... Very important note here... I'm not a big age person (not yet anyway) and I'm not afraid of death, (though I must say I am VERY fond of life and hope to hang along as long as possible!) I have 2 reasons for my outlook... both reasons given to me by my grandparents.
The first from my grandpa... He gave me real advice. He said to me many times “Audrey, don’t ever get old” I knew what he meant then and I understand it even more now. And I also I know that I will never get old!
The second from my grandma... she followed my grandpa’s advice! She never got old! (Lots of stories here but for now I will wait) ... just to get an idea... she was walking on stilts when she was 76!
Anyway... 13 years away from 50. I can remember 13 years ago... I was in school to be a paramedic. I was 24 about to be 25.
Anyway at this point I am sure I was going to say something brilliant, obviously and very deep and wonderful and I'm sure the people that read this whoever you are out there would have been in some wonderful euphoric thoughts and totally and completely amazed by me! (I'm getting good at this!) lol! Yeah right!! I am so full of it!
Even more I really do worry about you guys out there! You keep coming back for this abuse! Go! Go see a doctor!!!!!! Stop reading and go make an appointment! Get your eyes checked while you’re at it! :~P
Instead... My Day 50...
(And that makes me smile!) :~) Good to say it some days and really mean it!
Stay tuned for more whatever!
Have a great night or day. Whatever it is when you read this! Oh! And thanks for making it all the way to the end of Day 50! :~)
I have decided to do a Project 365! Here is just a bit of info behind every pic.
I have an Etsy shop now! Check it out here!!!!