200 mg of Prozac and I’m going crackers!
Yesterday I was at the Dr. and he upped my Prozac and I started taking my bigger dose today… it’s not 200 mg a day though! But I thought for photo sake 200 mg/10 tablets would go with the day and look slightly better than two tablets! :~)
Also I have to go see a psychotherapist! So I really am crackers! Great theme I think!
Maybe this will explain my absence of mind lately and maybe it (my mind) will soon return!
Anyway that’s it for my big day 200! I had hoped to get a better shot but I was in bed again for most of the day so this was as good as I could do.
I did a bit of writing last night… I haven’t gone over it to make any corrections yet but I’ll post it anyway unedited… it’s about my grandma, Gran...
Here it is….
She was such a strong woman. She always knew what she wanted and she got it! she was determined and head strong, sometimes a little too much. When she had to get a pacemaker/defibrillator she asked the doctor how she would know if it went off and shocked her. the doctor said very matter of fact “it will feel like a mule has kicked you in the chest and it will knock you on your back side” I was studying to be a paramedic at the time and knew this was a pretty good way to put it. when we got to the car she asked me if I thought that’s what it would really feel like, and I said yes! She wasn’t allowed to drive for the first six months after she got the pacemaker/defibrillator and I know it was hard for her and her independence but she had me! I was there every day and anything she needed I did and anywhere she needed to go we went!
One day I went out and found her descending a ladder from the top of the house… with a big smiling face and cutters where she had trimmed a tree that way touching the roof. Also in tow with her was a broom for brushing the leaves that would collect in the eve just at the top of the flat roof where, if left would most likely cause the roof to leak. I asked her what she would do if her pacemaker/defib shocked her while she was on the roof. She didn’t think it would happen if she was up there and even though she had been warned she didn’t think if it did shock her she would be affected the way the doctor had said.
It’s not easy to try to tell someone that’s an adult and been making their own decisions what to do, but I had to. “no more roof!” but she didn’t listen to me… I told her I would do whatever she needed done and she could direct me from the safety of the ground. It wasn’t good enough and her being independent and hard headed a few weeks later was caught by me on the roof again! I never threatened her or was mean to her, I loved her too much for that but when I found she had been up there again I told her “ if you want to keep going on the roof I’m not going to come out here anymore!” I know she didn’t believe me when I said it so I added “I couldn’t be the person to find your broken body if you were shocked and fell off” it was the truth but I had to make it clear to her it was a big deal. With resistance she finally agreed…
I didn’t want to be mean but sometimes I guess you have to be…
Months went by and the roof rule was going good. A few times she might say something needs to be done up there and I would quickly get the ladder and get the job done so there would be less temptation!
One day while I was at home I got a phone call… “it went off and shocked me” I asked if she was ok or needed to call 911 she said she was ok. I flew out as fast as I could. She was in the house and was visibly shaken. She had been on the front porch watering the flowers when it happened. “like a mule kicked her in the chest!” and she was knocked back to the ground. But she was ok! It had worked when she needed it and had most likely saved her life!
I phoned the doctor and we went in that day to have a look at the readings of the unit. It was the strangest thing… they would take this thing that looked like a giant lolly pop and hang it over her shoulder just over the pacemaker/defib and it would take back and forth… down to the second of an incident. It even printed everything out. What an amazing device! The lolly pop was how they made adjustments to the settings as well and when, every three months we would go in it would give a read out for the whole time. The doctor was happy with the result and said she was ok to go home. I’ll never forget her in the car on the way home… she looked small somehow and fragile. She was quiet, not like her at all. I kept telling her how great it was this little tiny thing inside her helped her even before she knew she needed it. trying to make it into something good so she could see the benefit and not be scared of it.
As we closer to home she said, in a quiet voice… “I'm glad I wasn’t on the roof… you were right I would have fallen off” my heart sunk… I didn’t want to be right, I just wanted her to be safe.
She never said another thing about the roof and the pacemaker never went off again…
I have decided to do a Project 365! Here is just a bit of info behind every pic.
I have an Etsy shop now! Check it out here!!!!