Warning- not everything about ever story is nice but they are all true... this contains semi graphic descriptions of suicide. I would never want to upset anyone with what I write.
I was very close to my dad’s parents and spent a lot of time with them. My mother’s parents lived in town and I didn’t see them very often. My grandmother on my mother’s side is still living and is a wonderful age of 86. She is an amazing woman and I did get a chance to spend time with her and get to know her. My granddaddy though, I did not. I was 13 when he committed suicide. He was always kind to me but always seemed to be uneasy and nervous. I knew the rules when I would visit them. Nothing loud and things had to be just so. That's fine. Anyway I do have many lovely memories of him... he was an extremely smart man. When I was 6, 1979 he had made a thing for the TV so when the commercials would co on he could mute it! Really amazing he made this thing from scratch! A long wire with a switch! I thought it was the coolest thing ever! He would play Candyland with me and take me to this really funky cafeteria! He was a musical person, he and his twin were in the band in the army and he played the trombone. I can remember he played it a few times for me when I was really young. He wrote a book about rainbows I have a copy very interesting. He also had a love of trains. I don’t know why or where it came from but he did. He had a small train track with a few very very nice trains. Most of which my dad ended up with. And he had a model train station that he also gave to my dad and I. We had a train set/track too when I was about 8! Was great fun in the winter!
Anyway in 1987 on this day, February 10th my granddad went outside beside the house with a 22 revolver put it to his nose and pulled the trigger. He died instantly and was found by his twin brother. No one heard the gunshot. He left a poem and nothing else, no note. On that day I was in school and was supposed to get out early to go to the dentist. My mother was late to collect me from school. When she did arrive someone was sent from the office as usual to get me. I knew something was wrong, my mother would never be late for an appointment. I saw her face and I knew. I just said to her “its granddaddy isn’t it? He’s dead.” She shook her head and we left.
I always knew he was a sad soul but I cannot imagine what it would be to take that walk... what must he have really been going through and WHAT was he thinking? To actually go through that is unimaginable to me. I wish I knew him better. But, as is life and, as is death...
So I thought today should be his day... as he loved trains and the sun was shining! Amazing I know! The train station was the place to be. I must say here, and I'm being really honest, I don’t usually think of him on this day. Probably sounds bad but I don’t. I think of him other times, not as much as I do my dad’s parents, which were like my own. He and I just weren’t that close. That doesn’t mean I don’t love him, I do and today turned into a very special day... as I was at the train station snapping away, the sun was shining like it hasn’t in a few weeks. I was taking pics and I was thinking... thinking of a grandfather I didn’t know very well, a smart man, that went before I got to know him like I would have liked to. But there in the train station I think he was there with me... looking and loving everything I saw!
This is the poem he left...
The Other Side
It isn't death, its glory
It isn't dark, its light
It isn't stumbling, groping, or even faith, It's sight!
It isn't grief, its having my last tear wiped away
It's sunrise, and it's morning of my eternal day.
It isn't even praying, it's speaking face to face
It's listening, and it's seeing the wonders of His grace.
For this is the end of pleading for strength to bear my pains
Not even pains dark memory, will ever live again.
How did I ever bear this earthly life, before I came up higher?
Before my soul was granted its every desire.
Before I knew this joy of meeting face to face,
The ONE who sought me, saved me, and kept me by HIS GRACE.
I have decided to do a Project 365! Here is just a bit of info behind every pic.
I have an Etsy shop now! Check it out here!!!!